© Copyright 2000
Ok, finally someone has really put the revoloution in motion. You wanna know the future of the music industry huh? You wanna know what the hell we're gonna leave our kids with from all this turmoil and nonsense surrounding OUR industry?
Very simple.....two words..... bookmark it, shortcut it, do what ever you have to with it but for your own benefit, register yourself with the future:
I've shown you the way......now you take control.
....It would be rude of me to add anything to Ben's review. Nice one son.
Classy piece of objective journalism with maybe only one crack pipe too many!
Killing in the name of..
Seems that sober articles never cause a response, the mailbox lay silent for most of the week. Maybe the lack of reaction to anything positive is one of the reasons why we are in this situation.. The nearest to a whiff of a scandal was from an anonymous source who told me of a friend of hers who was working as an air stewardess on a leading airline not so long ago. Passengers in the 'expensive' cabin included Posh, Becks, nipper and their enormous entourage, who are said to have made quite a big impression on the crew and the other travellers. As the flight went on, Brooklyn was intermittently waking and murmuring while his mother slept relatively soundly; well, as soundly as you would if your husband was on the verge of finding out that one of his team mates has been playing 'hide the black pudding' with you. As Posh came round, noticing that Brooklyn was also awake, she called over one of the bodyguards who at that point was chatting up two of the blonde crew members in the galley. Then, in front of the entire cabin, yelled at the top of her voice words to the effect 'you stupid idiot, I told you to wake me if Brooklyn woke up, what the hell do I pay you for anyway dickhead'. At this point the kid starts screaming, Becks wakes up and starts shouting, 6 other passengers asked to be moved in to economy and the captain himself comes out to apologise for the behaviour of his crew (like they've done something other than kissing arse the entire flight). Later the same day the bodyguard commented to all and sundry on the flight that Posh was "the most stuck up, pretentious bitch" he had ever worked for, adding that "if she doesn't sack me, I'll quit - fuck the money"! Personally I can't wait for the book to come out, believe me these are the only bits I can use from his rant without ending up in court! Don't believe all this crap about some block in the publishing of it, we all remember the same thing happening with a rather popular (one-time) member of the Royal family.
Meanwhile on the other side of the world…
I think we all realise that in this industry a 'kidney infection' is obviously slang for a cocaine overdose. What a night we all had in that club I can tell ya. Look around and you see a whole group of semi-famous pop stars simulating sex on the glass tables and young Ms Piper constantly in and out of the ladies (and the gents) all night. I've even got pictures of two of the blokes she shagged in the DJ booth. She told our table that we could tell people anything we liked because she doesn't care anymore. I think she is confusing us with people who cared in the first place. Listen Bill, if you want to fuck your body up Daniella Westbrook style then that’s fine by me, but for christ's sake stop releasing your mindless slimey shit that you and your poncy talentless production team think "captures the imagination of the youth today". The only thing people will remember you for (if anyone will anyway) is that you look like a horse and you dumped the bloke from 5ive who looks like a girl anyway. There cannot really be anything more worthless than following the actions of a so-called 'underage sex objects' who can't even sing, screw their lives up in public.
But ain't it funny to watch?
Talk about starting a war of words!
Fresh into the FP towers mailbox came an influx of responses to my previous article challenging the relevence of DJ's against actual bands.
Its obvious that there are a huge number of bands which are chomping at the bit to get some recognition from the industry. By now though, I think we all know the inherent problems with this (valid) desire.
On the whole I think it is refreshing to actually cause a reaction. Proving beyond reasonable doubt the existence of an on going passion to save our music industry from a downward spiral of blinkered marketing.
The best piece of feedback I recieved was from a group of companies that are sponsoring a band competition called 'unsigned unsealed'.
Basically the idea is to find the top acts of the future (we hope). The sponsors include EMI Publishing, Warner Chappell, International Music Publishing, Fender, Roland, Simon & Patrick, CDIY.com and the Prince's Trust Hidden Talents Music Network.
Judging the finals, held between the 4th and the 8th of September, will be top A+R bods and some other industry types who are probably desperate to get their hands on the bright sparks who are gonna earn them their big fat yachts.
More info is available on www.CDIY.com, get yourself an application, send it back with your coolest tracks before the 8th of July to:
161 Hammersmith Road
Lets hope that this is just one of many incentives thrown not only infront of bands but also the industry.
My fears are still there, your doubts are too but we've got to start somewhere. I know its been done before, these guys aren't going for the 'original idea of the year' award and nor are we.
If any of us are going to try to keep our industry alive we need to balance the cynics with the activists. There is always room for a rant though and you lot know that I'm partial to a good ol' slag off from time to time.
Keep sending in your views, the deep grit, scandal, gossip and rumours.
Good luck to ya and remember folks;
its not padded out there.
fp, 160600 -
Propping up a well-known London bar this week, listening to the usual nonsense that we all enjoy going on about as the beer flows, I realised that conversations involving the music industry usually contain the same subject matter nowadays.
Try listening in to an 18+ age group of people talking of the state of the industry and you will be amazed at how intense their anger is. Of course, if you hear anyone between 11 and 15 talking, the subject matter is almost entirely focused on the pop charts. 15 upwards and they mostly want to be DJs; after all (they say), what is the point in learning to play an instrument when you can use records from your mums collection and rhythm style 008 from your Yamaha keyboard? Better still, just download it all from the net, that way you NEVER need to leave your spotty-teen-bedroom-wank-zone again (and I bet you still have Billie Piper pictures up on your wall anyway).
The thing is, if someone is creating sounds they are creating music. We accept that in the western world of music there are only 12 notes, meaning that there is a limit to how many different combinations those notes can be placed in, especially as some combinations are more pleasing or more acceptable to the ear.
So it is all down to implied context. You can either have a similar combination of notes used in a different context or the same context using different notes. Whether it is a trained musician or someone who has only just downloaded the BT get out there production suite but neither plays nor owns an instrument, they are both constructing sounds, they are both creating music and that automatically qualifies their place in the music industry.
Where the grey area starts is when you have a group of songwriters who a company hires to work with an artist on their books. Said artist could be absolutely talent-free but put them in a $15million recording studio with a top production team and a shit load of pitch-rectifiers and bugger me if you havent just earned yourself a life of drug-fuelled egoism.
This package then gets added to a $5million video shoot in which aforementioned artist is pretty much starkers and spank-my-ass-and-call-me-Britney-Spears if you havent just earned yourself the right to appear in every teen (and adult) magazine for the rest of your (funded) descent into Betty Ford.
The public lap it up; the young girls want to be her, the young boys want to screw her, the older women think it reminds them of how active and fun they were at that age, and the older men? well they just want to screw her too.
GENIUS marketing in effect.
Does this however stop the raw, emotive talent coming through? Hell yeah, why should a company waste time nurturing a band when you can make and break an artist in months? All a band would do is arrive at an airport one day where the singer would probably decide he wants to move house instead, then fly to the States where all you do is insult the entire country, then to fly to Spain only to have the leader quit because he has realised that the band stopped being relevant in 1996 but was so charlied up he didnt even see it.
Does this get you angry?
Do you disagree?
Whatya gonna do about it?
the fat producer, 02-0-00 -
News from the outside..
In a month that bought into this sick world, a baby created by the Prime Minister and the worryingly happy Cherie ö according to a contact here at FP towers, a spelling error on the hospital register was all that stopped the poor little mite being called Lionel. Now that would have been all the kid needed, as if heâs not going to be bullied and teased enough·.Then, a Îstreetâ Îpublicationâ decided after months of investigation that David Beckham is a ãwalking tribute to Tupac Shakurä (the deceased rapper who incredibly still recorded and released numerous albums after his shooting).
Looking at the facts I can only think of 4 similarities:
1. They are both considered either a genius in their trade by some, or a complete waste of space by others.
2. They both have (or had) reputations as having the tendency for gratuitous violence.
3. They both had partners with severe eating disorders.
4. Their first names have the same amount of letters·.. (yes I know itâs a long shot)
But then there are always the nagging dissimilarities to contend with:
1. Becks couldnât string a sentence together that didnât involve the words;
ãpass the ballä and ãGiggsyä - or - ãyour puttinâ on a few pounds loveä.
2. Tupac made trillions from rhyming sentences, some as long as 15 words long!
3. Ummm..Becks is blonde..
4. .·Becks is alive·.
5. .··.oh·and·ummm·only one of them has shagged a Spice Girl.
Point proved, I rest my case··obviously the magazine didnât look into it deeply enough.
Then again no story can be as strange as Geri Halliwell entertaining guests at her mums wedding this week ö apparently the Ginger one performed 3 songs inside the church in front of guests (though no celebs apart from George Îpublic looâ Michael). A spokeswoman told me this morning that ãthe gathered crowd of cleaners and gardeners on an average income of £9k a year needed to be reminded that Mrs. Halliwellâs daughter is of course a multi-millionaire and was doing them a favour, brightening up there dull pathetic little livesä.
That said, I still wonder whether the congregation were overly enthused by the adjustment to the front of the church that is said to have included turning the altar in to a giant clitoris and the choir pews in to two massive legs that Geri came out from·..and donât even get me started on the dodgy neon flashing lights.
Finally, the award for ÎPrat of the Weekâ is being fought over between two industry mainstays;
- Mickey from Boyzone, who I canât believe fed the press a potential Îmy drug hellâ storyline. They donât need your help dickhead, theyâd have found out anyway·.everyone in the industry has known you as ãganja mickä since I can remember and,
- The Corrs manager ÎDumb arse Mcgintyâ(as heâs lovingly referred to in the industry) who had the foresight to put a bunch of anorexic pasty Irish singers in to the middle of the Mojave desert and leave them without water for 3 days·
(actually this guy is evidently a fucking genius·..I wonder if we can give him Billie, Titney. Rickeeee Martine and the rest of the crap that we call Îpopularâ Îmusicâ). ö saying that, if we got rid of them, who the hell would we bitch about·.?
the fat producer, 26-05-00 -
Firstly a huge slap on the virtual backs of Danno and Shadow who have, in my fat weary eyes, expressed exactly what (I hope) we all realise is the state of this industry. It reminded me of an event that took place a couple of weeks ago involving a friend of mine who we shall call Lloyd for the sake of avoiding legal action. Lloyd was working for a large record company, day and night, going to countless gigs looking for new talent. He had no particular preference to the type of music that talent could lie in ö an amazingly refreshing attitude in this day and age. Eventually he presented his company with 3 acts, two modern dance-ish bands, and one rock band. The rock band were, in his eyes, the break from the norm that was oh-so-needed in the industry. Real talent, pure emotion, people who actually could (if given a chance) play on their own records! The band with all the companyâs support would catapult REAL music, (o.k call me a snob but some spotty twat sampling the theme from ÎCasualtyâ isnât cominâ close boy-o).
The band would need at least a yearâs cultivation and preparation, funded of course from the coffers of said company. Lloyd wouldnât stop telling me about the 3 bands, especially the rock band. We spent hours in our local pub, thinking of how the general public would react to not having to pretend at another new years eve party that B*witched was the best thing since Abba to hit the dance floor. How that an influx of musician-based bands, who actually care, think and apply emotion to what they create could maybe, just maybe, make it on to the front covers of magazines apart from the obscure titles that most newsagents wouldnât even dare to stock.
But then tragedy happened. The company decided it wanted a quick fix. Sod the proper musicians, lets become trendy and sign every drugged ex-prostitute from Îda west side of Hackneyâ and make some REAL money. However, the money they will undoubtedly make will be FAST not real. By the time it is spent, another sucker who really thinks theyâre the next Britney will be on the books on a recoupable advance. They think of themselves as fucking millionaires and never even look up the word recoupable.
Net result; Lloyd gets fired, all 3 bands get dropped, company get rich ö short term, Lloyd and I get shit-faced in local boozer, wondering where it all went wrong··.
What Iâm saying is this, there is a minority of A+R execs and companies out there, who are forward-looking but the fashion and media sway is too one-sided. I ainât giving any answers or pointing any fingers but lets, for the sake of all our futures, start speaking about it, start generating public response, start waking up the charlie-heads, upstairs on the swivel chairs, and make something happen. It starts here boys and girls.
This revolution will not be televised.
the fat producer, 24-05-00 -
FRIDAY 16th JUNE
On Monday March 27th 2000, the music world lost one of its most influential characters, Ian Dury.
Ian's uniquely English lyrical style, displayed throughout his work firstly as part of Kilburn & The High Roads and then most tellingly with The Blockheads, have left an indelible impression on British popular music and has exerted enormous influence on others. Putting it simply, Ian Dury was a one off, who is greatly missed by those who new him and by many that didn't.
It's with this in mind that Inside Media Promotions, East Central One, Metropolis Music, and Dr Martens who are kindly sponsoring the event, proudly announce a special tribute concert to Ian Dury on Friday 16 June at Brixton Academy. The evening will be headlined by The Blockheads, Ian's long serving band, with guest vocal appearances by Robbie Williams, Joe Strummer, members of Madness, Ian Broudie, Kirsty MacColl, Saffron from Republica, Wreckless Eric, Mark Lamarr, Phill Jupitus, Keith Allen and Kathy Burke. Others also scheduled to make an appearance are the likes of Mick Jones, Topper Headon, Glen Matlock, Wilko Johnson and Chas and Dave. Further guests are to be announced soon.
Suggs from Madness says:"I am proud and privileged to be involved in a tribute to one of this country's finest writers and performers. Looking at the line up so far it looks like it will be a fantastic evening and a fitting tribute to the great man."
The profits from this very special concert are to be donated to the national charity CancerBACUP, for whom Ian was spokesperson. Ian wanted to ensure that everyone who was diagnosed with cancer knew about and had access to, the best information and support possible.
You can help CancerBACUP with donations by calling 020 7920 7212.
Ticket Hotlines are:
Tickets are £20 (subject to booking fee)
Brixton Academy - 020 7771 2000
Stargreen Box Office - 020 7734 8932
Ticket Master - 020 7344 4000
Way Ahead - 020 7403 3331
Credit Card Hotline - 020 7287 0932
Press Officer, CancerBACUP
3 Bath Place, Rivington Street, London EC2A 3DR
Tel 020 7920 7219 Fax 020 7696 9002
Company Number: 2803321 Charity Registration No:
the fat producer, 13-5-00 -
Robbie's Star Turn
So, next chapter, mr.williams buys borelli's wine bar in farnham surrey.
according to the press, one of the reasons for this is that he had sung a karaoke of 'angels' in borelli's a while ago and liked the acoustics of the room so much that he swore he would return.
This, of course, is not strictly the case.
the background to the story has more twists and turns and potential law-suits than a night with young britney 'schoolgirl' spears. needless to say, witnesses of the 'performance' that mid-summer night in surrey, say that robbie seemed to be in an 'alarmingly' good mood. infact one of the bar staff has told me that every 20 minutes robbie would saunter into the toilets, locally renowned for their 'flat marble surfaces', only to come back 5 minutes later grinning from ear to ear. a close friend of the singer has been reported to comment that there was "just something in the mens room that made him chuckle"..
as for the angels rendition, it sounded more like motley crue's 'girls girls girls' than a romantic love song, but its bloody hard to sing anything when your teeth are permanently clenched......from smiling at something in the toilets of course....
the fat producer, 5-5-00 -
M A D M A D O N A
They could always try their luck with Madonna who has yet to find a permanent home since quitting Los Angeles for London. The pregnant superstar is said to be fed up with renting and has asked film-director lover Guy Ritchie to find a suitable pile to buy before their son is born in September.
Madonna has offered to buy a London pad for ex-lover Carlos Leon so the doting dad can see three-year-old daughter Lourdes regularly.
The 41-year-old star, who flew the tot to New York last week to see Carlos, has said: "My daughter's relationship with her father is incredibly important to me."
But Carlos is resisting. The hard-up fitness instructor said: "I donât want to be a kept man."-
Retro, 29-4-2000 -
This is the story title
Word has reached the gutter of the british music industry from inside the studio confines which housed the recording of the latest album from britney 'i'll dress up like a schoolgirl hussey then go on the front cover of rolling stone magazine with nothing on just to sell more records even though i'm still a virgin' spears.
One of the loose mouthed publicists got hammered in an L.A and admitted that miss.spears was "thoroughly advised to change the track listing of her new album due to its inferred claims". this translates to a rumour originating from the recording studio staff. allegedly if you took the first letters of each of the 11 songs of the original track listing you could make an anagram of " I PREFER ANAL." naturally this had to be changed due to recent claims that britney is actually a virgin and (according the record label)"surely could not have any preference of sexual technique or orifice option as yet".
The same spokeswoman has promised us that she will inform AUDIOARENA with "details of preference as and when it is applicable" while we await this we will just have to imagine what britney would prefer in our own minds - now theres a challenge for ya...
Fat Producer, 29-4-2000 -