June 16th 2000

H O T P A N T S . . . .
Last week we published a picture of Kylie Minogue, a picture that shocked and horrified many of our readers, including my mum, better known to you and I as ‘Miss Whiplash’ .

It is with deep regret, that due to unforeseen circumstances (mental illness and Miss Minogues’ Fat Cat Lawyers wanting £50,000 compensation) The Insiders have been forced to give our Picture Editor, Mr Edmond Chance, the boot! ( after giving him a f……ing good hiding and forcing him to pay back the money he has thieved off us over the years)

Still, life must go on, and on it does! This week for no other reason than to show off her magnificent ‘poo creak’ again, news reaches me that in no way did Miss ‘squeaky clean’ Minogue, show her arse off to the camera.

Apparently, her ‘cotton love pants’ were air brushed out of the shot, so her ‘shit cushions’ could clearly be seen on the front cover of some ‘yuppie wank rag’porn in denial .

Last night, Kylie phoned me personally from her mobile caravan.
She wept "I was a bit surprised that between doing the shoot, and the mag appearing on the shelf, my knickers got lost."

Well little Miss Muffet, whilst looking at your ‘golden air bags’ on the front of this otherwise, dull mag. I too lost my ‘knickers’, however, they disappeared on my way from the newsagents to my bathroom. And believe me, there wasn’t an ‘air brush’ in sight.