ISSUE 32
July 21st 2000








C O C K N E Y G O L D . . . .

Lord love a’ duck ! I don’t know about you sad little freaks out there, but my Sunday was definitely made a whole lot better thanks to Martine McClutcheon doing what she does best….GETTING HER TITS OUT FOR THE BOYS !

Lets just say, my usual Sunday morning fry up, suddenly had one extra sausage with no extra charge !

She looks fan-tas-tic. Only last Sunday she looked like the last dog at Cruff’s.This week she looks like Lassie. Why the f***ck does she have to sing ? It ruins the whole package.


However, behind the large plastic breasts and ‘sperm whale body’ beats a heart of ‘pure cockney gold’. This week my favourite ‘singing air hostess’ broke down and told me of her heart break…

"I don’t know who my real friends are half the time, Ben. If it wasn’t for you allowing me to relax on your private beach ‘sandy crack’ then I don’t know where I could have gone to get over the stress of touring. I don’t know if you know, but last year someone took some terrible, intrusive pictures of me with my tits out. Thank the lord I can trust you fully, as you and your Uncle Reggie have been such good friends to me. I couldn’t risk skinny dipping anywhere else in the world".

As soon as she’d finished splashing around with her hooters out, I snatched the camera off Reggie who had been snapping away like a pervert in a whore house.

I had the photos developed and sold by the time she had put her pants back on.

The News Of The World had her ‘splashed’ across every page and I was £50,000 better off. What a day, what a friend, and what a pair of tits.
Thank you Martine. We love You…….From your ‘best friends’, Ben and Reggie !

Send the card

BEN
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