August 25th 2000

G R O O V E Y . . .

What a shame, She LOST !
Mrs Beckham was left licking her wounds on Monday after receiving the tragic news that even with all last week’s plugging, hype and publicity ( and Bribery ) she still failed to make it to the prestigious UK No1 spot ! beaten by little miss ‘holier than thou’ ex Blue Peter beauty, Sophie Ellis-Baxter and DJ Spiller with the track GROOVEJET, a track expected to be a massive club anthem this year.

I met up with Mrs Beckam on Wednesday, to say she was disappointed is a huge understatement, infact, she was foaming at the mouth, hissing and grunting like a woman possessed! when suddenly there was a knock at the door….." Vicky, Vicky darling,, are you okay luv, I thought I heard you moaning ! " uh…um…yes David, I’m just ‘coming’ I’ll soon be finished with this young man….love you honeybunch!"

We decided it was best if we concentrated on the interview! " So Victoria, how does it feel to be beaten…….. into second place ?"

She relied: " I hope Sophie does very well, she obviously has a lot of talent, I was so upset to see her leave the Blue Peter team, I know that Sophie and DJ ‘what’s his name? have been bad mouthing me in the press this week, but that’s not my style, I think her miming on this forgettable, one chord dance track that sounds like every other f**ing dull club track that’s constantly rammed down our throat, is a brilliant piece of work!……Bitch!"

I managed to speak to Vicky’s manager on the way out of BECKLAND, " He’s a f**ing idiot ! On Friday there was only 300 records between us and Spiller, so I gave David £100,000 to go out and buy 20,000 copies of ‘Out Of Your Mind’ so what do you think the mindless f***wit did?

He gave the money to his brother! apparently he was late for a training session, so he asked his brother to get ‘out of your mind’ Of course, that’s exactly what him and his mates did

Honestly, I’m surrounded by half baked biscuits! there isn’t a brain cell between them!"