L I K E A V I R G I N
Well, well, well. I knew it all along. Its finally been revealed to me this week that new soul sensation Craig David isnt quite the King Sex Monkey Master hes been bragging to everyone about.
Yep, for someone who's forever singing about making Love from 'Monday till Sunday and whos number one album is called Born To Do It hes suddenly gone very quiet!
(A bit like the Pope did, once the truth finally came out about what actually happened on his stag night in Bethlehem).
And by the way Ladies, if it wasnt for the fact that Ive got chronic asthma and my water beds got a huge puncture, I too, could make love to you from well .Wednesday to Thursday.
If youre interested, email me on email@example.com (my statistics are: 31-65-33).
So, there you have it, Craig is a Virgin after all ! It was only this very morning that he phoned me to confess all. He wept: "Ive never been in Love or thought about marriage. Ive had infatuation, but its never the real thing!"
Lord, hes beginning to sound like Cliff Richard at a communal wine convention! Listen here Craig, one day it might just happen, but until it does, shut up and put your love rod away you dirty little animal.
P.S. My wifeTina would love to give you your first taste of heaven, but it will cost you her standard £50 for the lot!
(If only she still had her own teeth and both her eyes, shed almost be as rich as you!)