September 1st 2000

N A K E D C H E F . . .

He’s hot, he’s sexy, he’s AWIGHT mate! Jamie Oliver, alias The Naked Chef, `Jammy Bastard’ Wide Boy who can’t put a foot wrong at the moment has just secured a 2 album deal with Sony Records.

Now I’m not really a fan of all this TV chef bollocks, however, anyone who can stop that annoying ‘ here’s how we cook an egg’ Delia Smith is awight by me…However, there is a limit, and I think this is a prime example of how ridiculous the music business is!

The man seems like a right ‘diamond geezer’, however it’s obvious to any half baked human being that the man ain’t no ‘pop star’. I mean for crying out loud, he’s not even a musician, he plays the drums for christssake! …HELLO !

But, and it’s a big but, here’s the catch - the first album is a compilation of, wait for it… ‘TRACKS TO COOK TO’ yes, strike while the iron’s hot, that’s what they say. "Just put your name to it son, let our marketing team do the rest !"

Lets face it Olly, this time next year, you won’t be flavour of the month, so we won’t have to release your own ‘pile of poo’. What’s the saying….’Take the money and run!’
Yes, another fine "stitch-you-up’ Sony deal….but don’t worry Jamie, you’ll get your cut! enough to keep you in drum sticks for the rest of your life!