September 8th 2000

R I D E M . . .
Dear, oh dear. You’ve got to feel for Mel B’s ex husband, poor old ‘thick as shit’ Jimmy Gulzar who this week hit the headlines for spilling the beans on his shambles of a marriage to the ‘sex crazy’ Scary Spice.

Now, I’m not Inspector Morse, but judging by the substantial evidence even Stevie f**king Wonder could of seen old Mel B was secretly humping the arse off Max Beezly behind poor old Jimmy’s back…
(and by the sounds of it, some nights she was shagging Max, literally, behind his back).

And for all you donkeys out there, here is the evidence that, for some unknown reason Jimmy failed to pick up on…

1. Photos of Mel and Max cuddling in their bedroom.
2. Videos of Max’s TV programmes scattered over their living room.
3. A torn Condom wrapper in their marital bed.
4. Max in the bathroom naked.

Yep, like I say, I‘ve got a feeling that even Sherlock Holmes, blind folded and tied up in a treasure trunk, could have solved this ‘sex mystery’ which finally spelt the end of their marriage.

Now Jimmy, if you really want to get your life back on track, may I suggest you keep your mouth shut and just remember, a child only really needs ‘one nappy and carrot to suck on’, so you can live like ‘Lord Dunnabunk’ (once Mel B’s child maintenance money comes through for little miss Phoenix ).