September 8th 2000

R E D C O A T S. . .
Can’t afford the South Of France this year? Can’t even afford wrapping paper, let alone presents at Christmas? Well, I know a place you can go. Yep, it’s called Butlins.

Better known as ‘Peasants Paradise’, there’s still no other place on earth that can guarantee you such a wide range of ‘musical tastes’ - every ‘top singing sensation from 1986’

Bands such as, Aswad, who will still be singing their warning cry of ‘Don’t Turn Around’ as every male red coat in the place tries to hoodwink your son into a game of ‘Where are my hands now?’ And what about lovely Grandma? A much safer way of keeping her quiet than tying her up and putting her in the boot of your Ford Cortina, is to prop her up in front of ‘I thought he was dead’ Lonnie Donegan.

And this weeks big news is that Steps are to headline a massive show later this year at Butlins in Bognor. A welcome home coming for 'H' as he was a red coat just before he hit it big with Steps (now you know why he’s such a huge twat).

And I bet you’re wondering what ever happened to good old 80’s hairdresser, scouse-monkey (and all round ‘village bike’) Sonia? Well, even she’s found a new lease of life at the ‘Butlins Adventure Paradise’ in Minehead. You can now catch her ‘live’ and ‘in person’ behind the till in the souvenir shop, just opposite the ‘Crazy Golf’ course every Wednesday between 10 and 12.