T W I N P E A K S . . .
Did any of you freaks out there have the advantage of watching good old Britney Spears strip show on the MTV awards last week? Sweet lord above! Lets just say there was one young sex starved monkey who was suddenly clinging on to his furniture and vomiting like a donkey, as his love torpedo suddenly sprang into action. (If only I hadnt been watching it with my infirm Grandmother in her camper van, no one would of witnessed my 'five digit disco)
But, it didnt stop there. Britney just kept on going and going! By now, you could practically see her sherwood forest and twin peaks as clear as the day she was born. (Even my Grandmother began firming up as Britneys strip just went on and on).
Suddenly, Granny started turning a rather nasty shade of purple, just as Britters and I started to reach our respective climax. By now, my eyes had glazed over and I'd started hyper ventilating like a baboon in a tumble drier.
But, it didnt end there! I began to fit and kicked the vans gear stick, before head butting the steering wheel. Before I knew it, we were both hurtling towards the white cliffs of Dover. Thankfully, I had collapsed onto the break pedal before we had chance to take off.
Admittedly, the sight that greeted the boys in blue was never going to look good, but after theyd studied video evidence of Britneys strip they agreed to let me off with a warning.
As for Granny? Well, she's always loved the sea.