September 29th 2000

D O G G Y F A S H I O N . . .
It’s ‘backs against the wall’ time again as good old ‘Humpty Dumpty’ Elton John this week revealed he has 21 dogs to keep him company.

That’s nothing. Some nights down the ‘Lamb & Lion’, I’m surrounded by over 60 dogs, many of whom are ex barmaids. (It’s like Crufts down there some nights!)

Just listen to old ‘Pinky Pants’ telling us how his little mutts are the new love of his life : " I know 21 dogs are too many, but I just can’t resist them".

Jesus, he sounds like my dear friend Diego just before he puts his order in at the RSPCA, for his Kebab van on a Friday night. But, this is no joke readers. These little ‘whippets’ are the reason why Sir Elton is still turning out one wave of musical shit after another.

If it wasn’t for his ‘furry friends’ Elton would by now, be a drooling vegetable! These ‘hairy hounds’ quite literally saved him from life of drink and drugs. (so who’d want to be saved ?).

And before you start thinking this is some ‘wishy washy’ story about how those dogs helped him beat his ‘addiction’, what really happened was Elton bought the dogs whilst on a bender (no, not like that) and instead of pouring vast amounts of booze down his throat, he instead pumped the poor creatures full of any drug he could get his hands on until his supply ran out. Hence, whilst Elton is now as sober as a ‘nun at a waterfall’, the dogs are f**ked for life.

Only last year two of his beloved golden retrievers died, but ironically two days later Elton was spotted showing off his new ‘fur-skin willy warmers’ at a 'Doggy' Fashion Show in Paris!