L A R D Y S P I C E . . .
Lord, oh Lord! What has the hell has happened to Mel C? I dont want to be too cruel, but Ive got a nasty feeling that shes currently suffering from a condition known in the medical profession as Fat F**ker.
Yep, at this moment in time, if I was her,
I wouldnt sunbathe too closely to the beach, in case a group of Green Peace protesters try to roll her back into the ocean. This woman is in serious trouble, so please keep all naked flames as far away from her as possible. She could blow at any minute !
Its an amazing turn around for a woman who used to pride her self on being a karate expert (a Lezzer in other words), and who was once fitter than a bunch of Homosexual rowers on speed. But, as our sensational picture shows, that was many pork pies ago.
Her arse is now the size of a of a bean bag display in Habitat, and her top half looks more like Frank Butcher at a Jabba the Hutt convention.
But, will she admit she has a problem ? No, of course not. She says shes always been this size. (However, I cant recall her looking like a walking hover craft in 1997 ).
She even got her spokesperson to confess : "Mel goes to the gym every morning for three hours. Shes at those machines working her ass off !"
Well, Im sorry, but even this desperate plea wont save her as Ive got a nasty gut feeling that the only machines Mel has been working on are the Cadburys and Walkers Crisps ones that are conveniently placed just outside the Female changing rooms.