G E T O R F M Y L A N D . . . .
This summer will be a time when every homeowner, (and decent up standing citizen in the west of Great Britain), will have to re-think their home security.
This is because Glastonbury has been cancelled this year, leaving thousands of freaks to wonder freely around the Somerset country-side looking for a place where they can all get bombed out of their minds on organic cocaine flap jacks.
Yep, prepare yourselves for a summer of hell, as every tramp who has ever lived on a riverboat with a whippet, two orphan kids and a wife from Romania, will try to find a place to hold their summer solstice. (Solstice is of course Latin for mass orgy).
I know the thought of having a garden full of naked hippie chicks all wanting sex is exciting, but the thing about hippies is they all look the same after a few glasses of speed lemonade. I soon found this out to my cost when I innocently tried to bond with a beautiful longhaired beauty called T-bone at Stonehenge last year.
I thought Id lost my heart to the woman of my dreams. I felt as if shed stolen my heart and soul. In reality he had stolen my wallet and tent. Be warned!