January 19th 2001

H O P E F U L S . . .
It’s the T.V show that every prick is talking about. Yep, if you’ve been unfortunate to witness what I saw this week on that ‘peasants channel’ ITV, then you too must have been left in no doubt that real talent is a very rare thing indeed these days.

I’m talking about the ‘Wannabes’, a completely useless ‘fly on the wall’ documentary that gave us the painful experience of over 3,000 brick layers and chip shop workers all desperately trying to become famous. And Lord, I nearly choked on my Spam fritter, as I had the terrible misfortune to hear these sad freaks trying to sing in tune. Christ, I don’t think I’ve heard such an appalling sound since the time my father got pissed out of his mind one night and ploughed his double decker bus into a cow shed.
(At least some of those poor animal’s last moos on this earth were in some kind of key!).

However, it’s too late to stop this sack of shit from going out of control. Already, there’s a single out and I’m sure it won’t be long before every thick prick who’s ever won a Kareoke evening at Butlins is signed up and splashed all over Asda. At this rate Steps are beginning to look like the most talented band in Britain.