R I C H I S I N R I O . . .
If theres a luckier bog eyed donkey in the world, then I want to find him! because this week, that grinning penis Richie Neville has been spotted lapping up the attentions of a couple of hot bits of ruff on a tropical beach in Rio.
Looking a lot like Adrian Mole at a Miss World Competion, I had the misfortune to watch the little monkey (from those bastards Five) attempt to get his end away with some hot beaver in the tropical sun.
Here I was, innocently trying to serve my community service by teaching young orphan boys from the back streets of Brazil how to make a life raft out of my Aunt Beryls huge knickers.
Richie, on the other hand, was busy rolling around in the waves with a series of beautiful hussies, like Flipper on heat! By rights, this lame duck should be crying like a dolphin in a cement mixer, after his beloved Billie left him last month for an even bigger twat - Chris Evans.
But is Richie really that bothered? Not by the looks of it! (Then again, if Id got rid of a lame buck toothed freak of nature and was now having a bit of ring a ding with a hot bit of Rio, I wouldnt be too upset either. Its a bit like trading Ester Ranson in for Sam Fox).
Last night I bumped into Richie in the car park of the Brazilian equilivent of the Little Chef. I asked him if hed been busy shagging that Brazilian beauty. He told me: "I'm not saying what happened between us, a gentleman never does".
In other words, hes still a virgin readers!