February 2nd 2001

T H R O W A W A Y T H E K E Y . . .
I’m sure it’s not the first time Puff Daddy’s weapon has gone off unexpectedly and sprayed blanks into a room full of half naked woman, but it appears that this time it could cost him up to 15 years in prison.

Yep, this is because ‘rap superstar’ Puff is once again on trial for a crime he most definitely did commit. Looking a lot like my perverted Uncle Reggie when he was caught ‘red handed’ whilst watching a Channel 4 documentary about puberty,

Puff definitely had guilty written all over his face this week as an American court of law heard evidence concerning his ‘shoot out’.

Apparently, not only did Puff fire a gun in a crowded night-club, but he also ploughed through 11 red lights whilst discarding more weapons than the entire British Army had at their disposal during the Gulf war. For some reason the cops became suspicious, and ended up arresting Puff and having the terrible ordeal of hand-cuffing Jennifer Lopez to a police cell.

Evidently, it all started because someone shoved some money in Puff’s face, and before you know it there were bullets flying everywhere, and a mass brawl broke out. Sounds a lot like the Lamb & Lion on a Sunday night when the fruit machine breaks down.