February 9th 2001

D O N T G O . . .
Poor old ‘big nose’ Rod Stewart this week opened up his heart about the night he split up with his ex-wife Rachel Hunter.

"It was terrible that night. My heart was in pieces. Rachel was the love of my life. I can’t tell you the deep pain I felt. So, thank God I bumped into that busty blond barmaid on the way home! Penny hasn’t left my side since!"

Yep, you’ve guessed it! Rod is now as happy as Pinocchio’s little brother who has just discovered it’s not only his wooden nose that grows when he tells lies.

Rod got the little hussy on his arm as soon as he’d waved Rachel goodbye, but he also found time to have a nine month affair with Caprice, whilst Penny did overtime behind the bar of the ‘Rat n’ Dog’ in her home town of Essex.

Rod told me: "We’ve had a few hiccups but the only real problem was the Caprice issue. Apart from that it’s been solid for a year and a half". And, believe me , if I had a bird that looked like something that had walked straight off the pages of Penthouse, I too would be ‘solid’ for 18 months.