R O Y A L W I L L Y . . .
Poor old Prince William was probably crying like a baboon in a tumble drier this week, after Buckingham Palace pulled the plug on his first date with Britney Spears, due to take place on Wednesday night.
We can exclusively reveal that a table for two had already been booked for the two lovebirds at the Harvester in Yeovil, where King Willie was hoping to seduce the young pop vixen over a three course meal.
And, Im sure Britney would have lapped up the chefs special menu that included such culinary delicacies as chicken de la basket and a large bowl of Angel Delight. (And, not forgetting the stunning views across the restaurant car park, which include the Somerset Drug Awareness Drop-In Centre at daybreak).
And, late last night a palace insider telephoned me straight from the Queens bedroom. Yep, good old Queenie had obviously been at the sherry again, as she launched an astonishing attack on her favourite Grandson.
She told me: "Theres no fucking way that little shit is going out with a fucking tart. My boy Charlie did once and he fucked it up big time. Thank god I bumped that fucking cow off when I did! Its just a crying shame hes now with that ugly bitch that looks alot like that winner from Crufts in 1947."