February 16th 2001

D A D D Y S L I T T L E R A P P E R . . .
Bad boy Eminem was back in the headlines again his week, after he admitted he's trying to have another baby with his wife Kim. But all is not well.

Sounding a lot like my 89 year old Grandfather Sid after he came out of the sperm donors for the last time, Eminem told me: "Yes me and Kim have definitely been trying. The only problem is that I keep firing blanks!"

However, once Eminem’s ‘pistol’ has been sorted out, I’m pretty sure it won’t be too long before it starts going off unexpectedly whenever there is a group of half-naked woman about! (I believe Robbie William’s pistol also has the same problem).

But I think this is where Eminem should draw the line regarding his ‘guns’ and ‘weapons’ metaphor, because shortly after admitting he is ‘firing blanks’, he went on to tell me that last year he’d ‘pistol whipped’ a man he suspected of seeing Kim.

It sounds very painful, and a lot like ‘gay slang’ to me, so just be careful not to mention this to Elton John when you duet together next month, as it will only get the old queen excited and you could find your backside pumped full of pellets!