February 16th 2001

G U E S S W H O I T I S . . .
At this moment in time things probably couldn’t get any worse for poor old Billie Piper. Not only is her pop career looking as alive and well as Mamma Cass’s, but she’s also dating a man who wouldn’t look out of place on a Panorama special about paedophiles.

However, last week things must have really gone beyond a joke for little Billie.Yep, I’m pretty sure her court case against a ‘deranged stalker’ will go down as one of the worst moments in her tragic life.

Not even the time she went head first over the handlebars of her BMX whilst being chased by a pack of wolves (hence her mouth doing a very good impression of Buggs Bunny after a visit to a blind dentist) could even come close to her ‘terrifying’ court room ordeal. Poor ‘silly Billie’ and half the world’s media (including the Corsham Gazette) had to sit in stunned silence as the jury played a horrifying answering phone message left on Billie’s phone from the crazed stalker.

And, here’s just a taste of what we heard: "Billie Piper is a fucking cow and a fucking whore that needs cutting into little pieces. She can’t sing or dance but she’s a bitch and she’s going to die."

I have to say I completely disagree with some of what was said by the nutter. Billie’s singing isn’t that bad!