March 9th 2001

S C O O B Y D O O . . .
This week that ‘randy little monkey’ Shaggy has confessed that he wept with joy the last time he made love.

And after making love to my wife for thirteen hours (Shaggy, not me), the number one singing sensation told me: "I don’t cry often, but this was a special moment, I was holding out for a long time!"

I also know what it’s like to cry during sex, but I don’t think you really want to know about the night Marc Almond and I spent together in a Lebanese brothel!

Shaggy of course has seen his career go from strength to strength already this year. Only last month, even Nick Berry was out selling him! but now he’s back at number one with his massive hit single ’It wasn’t me’, which tells how the sex crazed donkey keeps cheating on his wife with anything in a skirt!

And last night when my wife Tina asked if I had been having sex with her sister Nina, I instantly replied: ‘I didn’t do it’. However, I was made to look quite the fool when she produced hard DNA evidence that suggests that Nina’s unborn triplets definitely were mine.

I just don’t know how Shaggy gets away with it.