March 16th 2001

L I V I N G D O L L S. . .
Well, it had to happen, didn’t it? Yep, Hear’say look set to storm to number one this week after their debut single ‘Pure and Simple’ sold over 160,995 copies on it’s first day of release. (That’s more records than Mark Owen sold during his entire solo career!)

And it’s no surprise, as they’ve had exactly the same kind of publicity machine that Hitler used in Nazi Germany in 1934. You can’t go anywhere these days without seeing the singing muppets plastered all over the television and papers! (At this rate, it wouldn’t surprise me if even Stevie Wonder knows what they look like!)

I wouldn’t mind if they had anything, remotely interesting to say, or, if they had slightly more musical talent than a flock of pissed up seagulls in a piano shop!

And what do they look like? Myleene has exactly the same goofy smile that Redrum had when he won the Grand National in 1981, and Danny looks a lot like something out of David Attenborough’s award winning documentary ‘The Missing Link’.

But will they last? Will their dolls still be in the shops come Christmas? or more importantly, how soon will it be before everyone realises their song uses exactly the same chords and melody as All Saints ‘Never Ever’).

Well, last night I spoke to their boss ‘Nasty Nigel’ and he told me: "Well, I can’t say how long it will last. All I know is it isn’t over until the fat lady sings’. Personally, I thought that was extremely rude, it was a good job Kym was out of the room!